


Thus With a Kiss I Die

by Paintbrushyy_Ducky98



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: And angst, Drama, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, References to Shakespeare, Theater AU, a little bit of jealousy, don't worry no one actually dies, it's metaphorical, its just a quote from a play, iwaoi - Freeform, iwaoi theater au, new relatioship, play within a story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 22:47:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10626726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paintbrushyy_Ducky98/pseuds/Paintbrushyy_Ducky98
Summary: Oikawa convinces Iwaizumi to be in the school play, but his plan doesn't work out as he hopes.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was my gift for the Iwaoi Exchange on Tumblr.

“Okay, everyone, take a seat!!” Yachi shouts over the crowd, her voice and smile wavers but still just as bright as her little blonde bob.  

Oikawa hops onto the stage, leaning his elbows on his knees. A man stands next to Yachi, one Oikawa knows as the president of the LGBT Club. He thought of joining the club once but wasn’t sure how drastically he wanted to state he was gay, even if not everyone in the club is gay, the stigma still lives, and that what he hates.  

The theater club gathers around Yachi, some hopping on to the stage like Oikawa, others taking up the floor. Once everyone’s settled and the chatter that spills from everyone’s lips evaporates Yachi begins. 

“It’s time to announce the decision of our next play.” The club cheers, whoops and hollers echoing in the theater. 

“In conjunction with the... the... um... the LGBT club, we will be putting on a production of a modern day Romeo and Juliet, or as some would like to call it Romeo and Julius.” Yachi turns her head to the other president and with a small smile, as he nods his head. 

“Casting...um...” Yachi fumbles over her words as she flips through her clip board. 

“Casting will be set for next Thursday so bring your best smiles.” Yachi clutches the ends of her clipboard with a laugh that shakes just a bit as she dismisses the crowd and the chatter begins up again. 

“Are you going to try out for the part of Romeo, Oikawa?” 

“Are they even going to be keeping the original names? Cause like it’s a modern version isn’t it?” He leans towards the girl, her blue eyes covered by her smile. 

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.” She shrugs her shoulder then jumps from the stage, running in the direction of her friends.

“See you Thursday Oikawa,” She calls with a wave as she leaves and he waves back, taking the script from the stack set next to him. Romeo...

The Club clears out, leaving only Oikawa and Yachi sitting on opposite sides of the stage. Oikawa leafs through the script, looking at the lines for Romeo. He hadn’t considered Romeo. When they said it, he instinctively wanted to be Julius, and the image of Romeo played by...

“Oikawa,” Yachi calls to him. He lifts his head, his thoughts lost to the wind. 

“I think I’ve messed up, I was looking through the character count we need and how many we have and we’re short one person.” Oikawa sits up and looks down at Yachi’s notepad as she shows him. 

“I can’t tell the LGBT president no after we all already agreed. That would be horrific!” She brushes her bangs behind her ears, her lips scrunching up in frustration, her fingers tapping nervously on the edge of her notes .

“Maybe we could ask any of the LGBT Members?” Oikawa proposes but Yachi shakes her head. 

“They’re already participating these numbers include them.” She says and sits down in front of him. Oikawa brushes back his bangs.   

“What if I told you I could find someone.” It’s a stupid idea, he’d never go for it. 

“Really?” Yachi’s eyes brighten and Oikawa’s about to respond when-

“Oikawa!” Iwaizumi leans against the door frame, his bag slung over his shoulder ready to leave.

“I’ll tell you later,” He whispers, jumping off the stage.  

“Coming Iwa-chan!” Yachi stands as Oikawa leaves waving from the stage. 

“I’ll text you later Yachi, I’ll try to convince them to come Thursday, okay?” 

“Thank you!” Yachi shouts after him as Oikawa walks through the door. 

Now he just has to convince him to be the Romeo to his Julius. Oikawa’s heart pounds as Iwaizumi flashes him a small smile as they leave. This was a terrible idea. 

“Shit,” He whispers it under his breath. 

“Huh?” Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow, his green eyes fixed on Oikawa’s. 

“Oh, nothing.” Oikawa shakes his head, this won’t be easy. 

 

*    *    *

 

Iwaizumi sighs over his books, twiddling his pencil between his fingers. Oikawa watches him from under his eyelashes, watching the way he bites his lip and furrows his brow like he’s not understanding the problem, his thoughts swarming in the air above him.  

“Okay,” Oikawa says, feeling the sudden heat in his ears. 

“I think it’s time for a break.” He leans back and closes his book, laying back onto the ground. Iwaizumi looks up as Oikawa disappears behind the table. He sighs and looks under the table, seeing Oikawa crane his neck to look at him as well, smiling.  

“Iwa-chan?” 

“Mmmm?” Oikawa sits up and leans his elbow on the table, Iwaizumi adjusting his posture as well. 

“Do you ever miss acting?” 

“Miss acting? Oikawa I haven’t ‘acted’ since we were in preschool and our moms made us go to a camp because they thought we didn’t get along.” Iwaizumi leans back on his palms, letting his head fall back and face the ceiling. 

“So... you were good.” Oikawa peers at Iwaizumi through his eyelashes and remembers the weight of his hand when they were small when the world felt so large and Iwaizumi used to smile more. The heat in Oikawa’s cheeks blooms through his skin and he looks away, covering his cheeks with his palms the rose dying close and evaporating as he turns. 

“Yeah, but I didn’t have a big role so it was easy, plus acting is your thing.” He sits up, waving a hand at Oikawa, still cupping his cheeks, who looks up without removing his hands. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Nothing.” Oikawa slams his hands into his lap, feeling the heat rise again as he fiddles with his sock. 

“Mm-kay...?” 

“So why’d you ask?” Iwaizumi watches Oikawa with eyes too pretty to be so intense and yet when Oikawa meets them he shakes, sits up straight and stumbles for his words. 

“Oh um... I was wondering...just like as a one-time thing...um if... iyiuwoujldebilltabenthpay?” 

“What?” Iwaizumi exclaims almost going cross-eyed trying to decipher Oikawa’s words. 

“I was wondering... If you would be willing to be in the play... with me.” Oikawa thought this was going to be easy in the beginning, asking Iwaizumi, but with the story of Romeo and Julius, Oikawa hadn’t considered all the secrets he held with the butterflies in his stomach, and being on the stage with Iwaizumi, having to watch him practice... certain scene... being in certain scenes with him. Oikawa hadn’t considered the strength of his own heart or self-control. 

“It’s a stupid idea though, we’re just a little short-handed, that’s all... we can just get someone else.” Oikawa tries to cover it leaning back over his books as if suddenly finding it interesting, 

“What’s the play?” Iwaizumi asks and the jittery surprise that spreads through Oikawa scrambles the words in his head into an incomprehensible silence that quickly turns awkward. 

“Really?” Oikawa nearly shouts, trying to speak over the thundering of his heart in his ears. Iwaizumi’s eyes grow wide then fill with confusion, his mouth opens but Oikawa cuts his words. 

“It’s a gay parody of Romeo and Juliet, call Romeo and Julius.” Oikawa leans forwards a bit with every word and then back when Iwaizumi doesn’t react. 

“It’s sponsored by the LGBT Club and looks really interesting.” Oikawa can’t convince himself to persuade Iwaizumi, too paralyzed by the actual possibility of it all to say anything more. 

Iwaizumi lifts the corner of the script that sits under Oikawa’s book and raises an eyebrow for permission. Oikawa nods but doesn’t move to dislodge it from under the book. 

Iwaizumi pulls the script towards him, flipping through the pages, reading a few of the lines. 

Oikawa fiddles with his sock some more, picking at the seam. Iwaizumi nods, huffing a small laugh through his nose at one of the lines, his lip tipping up at one corner.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll audition.” He flips the packet back to the front page and slides it back over to Oikawa. 

“Really?” Oikawa nearly shouts again, but this time Iwaizumi only nods, a small grin forming on his lips. 

“Oh, Iwa-chan this is going to be great,” Oikawa exclaims, his body animating with excitement, his eyes shining. 

“When are auditions?” Iwaizumi asks, opening the script again. 

“Thursday, so in 3 days,” He says it a little too quickly but Iwaizumi doesn’t notice as he busy looking at the script, his eyes bright like someone lit a candle in his mind. Oikawa’s noticed how that’s begun to happen more often when they hang out, especially when it’s just the two of them. Iwaizumi’s voice becomes softer, and his eyes hide something warm behind their oceans of green. 

“You can keep that one... “ Oikawa starts. 

“I snagged an extra from Yachi before I left.” He leans an elbow on the table, trying to look down at his book, trying to not look at Iwaizumi, and struggling.  

 

*    *    *

 

Thursday came like a train, the havoc and anxiety of auditions sitting deep in everyone’s stomach as the week rushed on and clawed at them as they stood in line. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa had gone over the acting techniques Oikawa had learned over the years, in preparation, reading lines, projecting Iwaizumi’s voice, and keeping a straight face which admittedly Oikawa saw wasn’t difficult for Iwaizumi. 

Oikawa had been surprised how easily acting came to Iwaizumi, like his body and mind became the character, a part of Iwaizumi fully transitioned into something new only his face clueing you into the ghost of him inside. It was eerie and Oikawa wasn’t quite sure how else to react when Iwaizumi got one of the leads but with joy and then something bittersweet that dug at him. 

They had each stood in the hall, waiting, shoulder to shoulder, with the other actors for their name to be called. It had always been a rule that auditions were private, and everyone else except the club president and club sponsor would stand outside. 

Iwaizumi was called last, and as Oikawa waited on the ground for him, he heard the echo. He heard Iwaizumi’s voice through the metal doors, speaking in the air of the empty hallway. Oikawa stands, staring at the doors, approaching, as the voice continues. He presses an ear to the door and hears the dark liquid that is Iwaizumi’s voice, it hums as he speaks his lines, and even through all the metal Oikawa can picture his face, can feel the fear and torture in his heart as if it were his own. 

Oikawa had hoped Iwaizumi would get a lead, but he had also hoped he would be standing there with him. When Iwaizumi came out from behind the door, his face was bright, his nerves pulsing with the thrill of becoming someone else. 

“Well?” Oikawa asks, but his voice lacks enthusiasm, he’s nervous like he had just lost and Iwaizumi had won. 

“I think I did pretty good. They both clapped. So...” He finishes the sentence with a nod, a shrug, and a deep breath as they fall into step next to each other. Oikawa is jumpy in his skin like he wanted to cheer, but his face is tired, his head in an array of opposite emotions that are causing him to stagger in his thoughts. 

“I’m certain you do great.” He watches his feet as he speaks.

“When will we find out our parts?” Iwaizumi’s question sits in the air for a moment before Oikawa registers it. 

“Oh um... next week for sure, probably Wednesday.” They both nod, feeling the discomfort in the air. 

They walk down the halls, abandoned in the after hours of noon, Oikawa lost in the nothingness of his thoughts before Iwaizumi speaks again. 

“You wanna go out?” He asks and Oikawa almost chokes on his own lungs and fears one may have collapsed by how hard he starts coughing. 

“Shit,” Iwaizumi says and pats Oikawa on the back, 

“You okay?” 

But all Oikawa can do is nod and keep coughing, his airwaves blocked by his racing heart. 

“Bug,” Oikawa scrafs out. He breathes a few times before standing straight. 

“I’m sorry, what did you ask?” Oikawa tries to clarify. 

“I asked if you wanted to go out to eat, I thought we could hit that ramen place you like.” Iwaizumi’s brow develops a crease and Oikawa struggles to recover from the overwhelming surprise and slight blush that spread over his face. 

“Oh, yeah sure.” He tries to speak evenly, tries to sound normal, clearing his throat and pushing the fact that he almost just choked to death on his own pining, out of his mind. 

Iwaizumi narrows his eyes. 

“Are you okay? You seem kind of... lost.” Oikawa doesn’t miss a beat to deflect the comment, reverting back to his traditional cockiness. 

“Iwa-chaaan, how could I be lost if I’m with you?” Oikawa speaks and immediately regrets it. Iwaizumi’s cheeks tint his eyes widening then averting.  

“I mean in thought dumbass.” 

Oikawa feels his cheeks blush again, the heat rushing into his face.

“Oh.” 

They’ve stopped walking and Oikawa makes a point of it in order to change the subject. 

“We’re never gonna get to the ramen place if we just stand here, so let's gooo.” He pushes a hand on Iwaizumi’s back making him stumble. Iwaizumi looks over his shoulder at Oikawa, eyes questioning, but Oikawa hides his pain well, he smiles and lets it overtake his brown eyes and show his teeth. 

“Okay.” Iwaizumi brushes off the denial and starts walking Oikawa jogging up to his side and picking up a conversation as usual, but Oikawa’s heart hasn’t stopped racing.

  
  


*    *    *

 

The throng of people around the announcement board is suffocating, but so is the anxiety of not knowing. Iwaizumi told Oikawa to wait behind the crowd, before ducking into the mob of reaching hands and prying eyes straining to glimpse the audition papers. Iwaizumi had always been good at squeezing through tight spaces, but still, Oikawa worries he might be elbowed or stepped on.

Oikawa waits by the wall trying to look over the people to see Iwaizumi’s head, but before he can see anything else he watches Iwaizumi come out from between two senior girls, and Oikawa reaches out and pulls him out.

“I got a picture. I don’t know how good though.” Iwaizumi hands Oikawa his phone the plastic case warm with Iwaizumi’s touch. 

Oikawa zooms in on Iwaizumi’s name, looking at his part and jumping. 

“You got Romeo Iwa-chan, you got the part.” He giggles the pain of excitement shaking through him as he giggles and smiles unable to control any part of his joy. Why is he so happy, didn’t he want that part too? 

“Calm down idiot and let me see.” Oikawa holds the phone still and Iwaizumi stands up straight looking over the phone too pointing at Oikawa’s name. 

“You got Mercutio, or in this story Marcus.” Oikawa looks at the name next to his, his fingers fidgeting. He scrolls over the other names to the top where Julius is and looks at the actor’s name. 

“Yahaba’s playing Julius,” Oikawa says it low, like a secret. 

“That’ll be interesting.” Iwaizumi says it like a joke and Oikawa jumps at his voice forgetting for a second how close he is, a breath away and a heartbeat too close for Oikawa to be calm. 

“Yeah, definitely will.” He’s deflated and exhausted all of a sudden like his chest if full of hot air that trembles. 

“Looks like the first rehearsal is tomorrow. I guess we should practice our lines tonight. You wanna come over and we can go over our parts?” There’s a ghost that wraps around Oikawa’s shoulders it makes his skin feel so cold, but his body heat up on the inside like it’s on fire. He messes his bangs, carding his hands through his hair as he hands the phone back to Iwaizumi, he can’t breathe.

“Ye-yeah, yeah sure.” He stumbles over his words like they’re cracks in his concrete thoughts.

“Oikawa?” Iwaizumi’s voice is filled with concern but Oikawa doesn’t look back, just waves a little. 

He walks away, trying to shake the chilling touch that’s violating him from the inside out, its fingers stroking the back of his neck and making him scream in his throat, his lips stitched shut. 

He finds his way to the bathroom room, the stalls all empty, he finds one, the closest one. 

He can’t hold his heart like he’s used to, he can’t feel it beat he can’t even close his eyes and think all he can do is shake. His skin feels uncomfortable like it’s stolen on his bones, and he’s disgusted with its touch.

His nails dig into his arms, his eyes shaking trying to find something to focus on. 

_ Why is this happening? Why is this happening? I’m overreacting, it’s not important. STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP stop. Please. Stop. _

Oikawa finds his way between the stall wall and the toilet, his heart so weightless in his chest it’s like it’s not even there. He wills it all to stop, wills himself to stop being such a baby, such a weakling, crying over not getting apart, over losing someone he wanted. 

_ You’re such an idiot. So pathetic. So _ -

“Tooru?” Oikawa lifts his head, Iwaizumi’s voice slithering over his bones like slime. Oikawa shrinks deeper into his spot. 

_ Iwa-chan shouldn’t have to see something so disgusting, so pathetic.  _

“Tooru, I know you’re in here. Is everything okay?” Iwaizumi’s voice gently fills Oikawa, saying his name like it’s something delicate, something made of glass. 

Iwaizumi stands outside Oikawa’s stall, tries to open the locked door then doesn’t. 

“Tooru.” He only uses Oikawa’s given name when he knows, when he knows Oikawa’s in pain. 

“Talk to me. Please?” 

“I’m fine Iwa-chan, really,” Oikawa lies like he always does like he has been for years, forcing smiles even when Iwaizumi can’t see him and pretending he isn’t falling apart because Iwaizumi can’t see because Iwaizumi doesn't feel the way he does. 

“I’m fine.” He whispers it again, setting his chin on his knees. Iwaizumi shifts on his feet a few times before turning. Oikawa watches him slide down the edge of the door, between the stalls and sit with his back to him.   

“Okay,” Iwaizumi says it softly. 

“Then let me know when you’re not.” The silence that fills them after he says this is agonizing. There’s a pain that touches them both as Oikawa cries, he tries not to, tries to be okay, but it hurts too much. Iwaizumi doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask, doesn’t move. Iwaizumi stays, and eventually, Oikawa stops crying. Eventually, the late bell rings above them, and neither of them moves. Eventually, Oikawa unlocks the door, and Iwaizumi looks up and smiles. 

“I’m fine,” Oikawa says it again as Iwaizumi stands up. 

“I know,” Iwaizumi responds, and Oikawa can’t look at him as he does because both of them are lying. 

 

*    *    *

 

It’s been two years since Oikawa became aware of Iwaziumi’s bisexuality, and though he had only ever seen him date women, he had always hoped with an anxious heart that he might have a chance, but as time went by and Oikawa’s confidence depleted, the infection in his heart only worsened and Iwaizumi only seemed to become more oblivious. 

Days of rehearsal blended like paint into weeks, and soon the excitement of the play morphed into fear of faults and the strive for perfection. 

Oikawa had learned the rehearsal schedule so he would know when not to be by the stage when Iwaizumi had to kiss Yahaba, the first time being torturous enough. 

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought, I had never kissed a guy but I didn’t think it would be any different.” Iwaizumi had said on their walk home. It was only the third rehearsal and Oikawa wasn’t angry, wasn’t spiteful towards Yahaba, just pained, very pained. 

He had watched from the side of the stage as the gap between Iwaizumi and Yahaba became closer until it vanished and Oikawa’s heart sunk. He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t he just couldn’t. 

He thought he would have at least been angry, but all he felt was broken, torn and for some reason, betrayed. When it was over he tried to breathe evenly and did until he got home that night. It was hard to smile when Iwaizumi talked about it, when he invited Yahaba to walk home with them, easier when Yahaba declined, then harder again when they were alone. And then, when Oikawa got home, he broke. Iwaizumi left him at the corner, and he got home without a tear until he closed the door to his room, and his bed hugged him when he collapsed when he doubled over and tried to scream in silence because who was he to burden someone with his pain, with his heartbreak, with so many shattered pieces; who was he? He hadn’t felt angry, just pained, and for some reason very betrayed. 

 

*    *    *

 

The next rehearsal he avoided the kiss, and every rehearsal after that he learned to look away, to focus on his lines, on everything but Iwaizumi, until the day was over and they walked home together. He learned to ignore the pain in his chest, to swallow the tears as they burned over his skin until his lungs were full of them, and he could no longer scream. 

The weeks of rehearsal ended quickly and soon it was the day before opening night. Rehearsal ended like it always had, with Yachi giving a pep talk, and everyone cheering in motivation. On usual occasions, when Iwaizumi wasn’t going to be kissing another guy in front of the whole school, Oikawa had felt excited, adrenaline pulsing through him like a new source of energy. Tonight, that night, he just felt dreadful. 

The sun beat rays through the sky over the horizon, and Oikawa watched them dauntingly, begging them to stay alight, to keep the day alive. 

“Hey!” Iwaizumi calls Oikawa’s attention as they turn the corner, pulling his gaze from the sunset. Iwaizumi’s eyes glimmer like Oikawa’s only ever seen in movies about magic, something unreal, something unnatural but beautiful. 

“Yeah?” He gasps out his words. He’s tired but what Iwaizumi asks next he can’t bring himself to refuse. 

“Could you maybe come over and help me a bit more with my lines, I’m trying to get the emotions right for one scene and I just can’t seem to.” Oikawa stands with his heart beating in his throat, as it’s become worse with each day.

“Sure,” he almost croaks but manages to speak evenly. 

“Great,” he says and falls into step with Oikawa.

When Oikawa’s block comes into view Oikawa doesn’t leave Iwaizumi at the corner, they don’t turn down the block, just watch as it disappears behind the shapes of the other homes. 

Iwaizumi’s house is a few blocks further, always close, ever since they were little. By the time they arrive at his doorstep the sun is well settled on the horizon, beaming fire red and burning out farther into the darkness every minute. 

The Iwaizumis have grown used to Oikawa’s presence in their house so when his face appears next to Iwaizumi’s in the doorway, he’s greeted with nothing less than warm hugs in familiar arms and bright smiles that remind him of home. 

They slide out of their shoes before stepping out of the foyer, padding through the house in their socks their bags still heavy on their shoulders. They escape to Iwaizumi’s room, leaving behind his mother and her questions of the play. 

Their bags hit the ground with shared thuds, and Oikawa feels a sudden tension as the silence fills the room. 

“Come on, I’ve been wanting to show you something,” Iwaizumi breaks the silence with a mystery and takes Oikawa’s wrist. 

“Remember how I said I was gonna get you something for your birthday but I was really late and ended up having a really shitty gift?” 

“I loved that plush though...” Oikawa whines and Iwaizumi huffs a laugh.

“Oikawa, an alien head plush is not what you get your best friend on his 17th birthday.” 

Oikawa doesn’t respond at first. 

“Well, I liked it,” He mumbles the words to himself, following Iwaizumi’s lead through the window onto the ledge. 

“Well, I’ve built this to make up for it because you deserve more.” He stands in front of Oikawa, blocking his view of whatever is around the corner of the roof. 

“Close your eyes,” he says. Oikawa’s skeptical at first looking at Iwaizumi with suspicion not sure why he doesn’t trust him. 

“Come on shittykawa close your eyes.” Iwaizumi puts a hand to Oikawa’s face, and Oikawa’s cheeks begin to warm. He wonders if Iwaizumi can feel it against his palm and then he closes his eyes and feels Iwaizumi squeeze his hand, pulling a little as he leads him over the flat roof top.

“Iwa-chan if I fall...” 

“I’ll dive down to catch you don’t worry, I won’t let you fall.” 

“Like that’s reassuring.” 

“Shut up.” Oikawa can’t help the smile that spreads and it's genuine for once, their banter feeling natural for the first time in weeks, his heart settling on the feeling of familiarity. When they stop Oikawa reaches out for Iwaizumi’s arm and is comforted by the hand over his eyes now steadying him at his elbow.  

“Okay open your eyes.” 

Oikawa lets his lids slide open and squints at the sunset horizon as it dies, the light still bright enough to blind. Once his vision clears Oikawa sees it, the telescope perched on the rooftop with a blanket on the ground, books of the stars open to different constellations. 

“It’s like a little observatory,” Oikawa says and walks over to the blanket sitting down on it, feeling the fabric between his fingers, soft like the one they would build forts out of as children. 

“All of it for you to keep. The books too.” Iwaizumi sits down across from Oikawa, his smile wide as he searches Oikawa’s face. 

Oikawa examines the telescope. 

“Iwa-chan... how much did this cost?” He looks through it at the darkening sky and the lights starting to come alive like eyes. 

“About two summer’s pay at the ramen shop, and a little help from mom,” He responds. 

“Iwa-chan...” Oikawa wants to hug him, hell he want’s to do more than that, but he sits still, smiling, painfully. 

“It’s amazing Iwa-chan, thank you.” 

Iwaizumi beams, leaning back and looking up at the sky. 

“Oh I’ll go get the scripts, so we can practice, I need help with that one scene, remember?.” Oikawa’s about to ask what scene but Iwaizumi disappears around the corner and through the window. 

He sighs, leaning back on the blanket, trying his best to at least force comfortable, but the edge is back between his teeth, again cracking his bones. When Iwaizumi returns Oikawa’s rubbing at his arms, trying to keep from fidgeting and failing miserably. 

“Ready?” Iwaizumi settles down next to Oikawa, closer than he expected and Oikawa fidgets more. Oikawa wonders if Iwaizumi likes to tease him, or if he’s just this oblivious. 

“What scene?” He asks, flipping open his script. 

“It’s um scene 13.” 

Oikawa pauses, Marcus isn’t in that scene, because it’s only between Romeo and Julius, it’s the scene Oikawa’s become so good at avoiding. 

“You mean the kiss scene?” Oikawa’s words almost clog his throat, almost suffocate him in that moment and Oikawa wishes it would just kill him there. 

“Yeah... Yachi says I’ve been really good with every scene except that one, she says I'm too tight in the kiss and need to loosen up.”

“So you thought...” 

“I’m always comfortable with you, Tooru please.” Iwaizumi avoids Oikawa’s eyes, leaning on his knees and Oikawa swears in the darkness it almost looks like he’s blushing if that’s possible. 

“Okay.” He hates himself for agreeing, for thinking it might be able to satisfy any desire in his heart. 

“Great...” Iwaizumi’s voice sounds choked, but he should feel guilty, torturing Oikawa like it’s not heart wrenching to kiss the person you’re in love with knowing they probably couldn’t care less about you. 

“Mmhmm. No prob.” 

Iwaizumi sits up under the dim lamplight as it flickers on in the newly blanketed darkness. 

His words are like mumbles, speaking the re-written Shakespeare like it’s a song but the words becoming fuzzy as they reach Oikawa’s ears. 

After Oikawa mumbles his line as well, Iwaizumi leans closer, both their eyes still open, until their lips meet. Oikawa has spent months trying to imagine what Iwaizumi’s lips feel like but he never thought they’d feel like fire warming and spreading within him, bringing his heartbeat to a new speed melting his bones as he leans forward. Their breaths intermingle as they gasp for more, Iwaizumi pressing forward and licking at Oikawa’s bottom lip. The kiss isn’t supposed to be this deep. The script says it’s shallow, how could Iwaizumi be stiff in a shallow kiss, how could Iwaizumi kiss this deeply now?

Iwaizumi’s hand finds its way away from the script to around Oikawa’s cheek, pulling his lips closer. Oikawa’s hand wraps around Iwaizumi’s wrist breathing in his scent as he opens his mouth. 

Oikawa wants to pull away, the kiss isn't supposed to last this long, he knows he should pull away, but the heat spreading through his lips and cheeks, and chest and Iwaizumi tastes sweet like the strawberry candy he was offered earlier. Every millimeter of his body screams at him to keep going, to fall deeper, and Oikawa’s at the edge.  

“Tooru...” Iwaizumi whispers Oikawa’s name between his lips and suddenly Oikawa’s awake, heart racing. 

“Iwaizumi...” Oikawa murmurs, drifting away, his eyes finding Iwaizumi’s lidded and sliding open as he stares. 

“Iwaizumi?” 

Oikawa chokes on his name, scrambling to his feet. 

“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi reaches out for Oikawa’s hand but he pulls it free before a grip can be formed. 

“Oikawa wait.” 

“I gotta go, I’m sorry Iwaizumi I just... I can’t.” 

“Oikawa wait.” but Oikawa’s already rushing towards the window, ducking into the room again, and Iwaizumi’s right behind him. 

“Oikawa wait,” he says again and catches hold of Oikawa’s wrist, but Oikawa wrenches it from his grasp.  

“NO, Iwaizumi... what were you going for here? The romantic mood, under the stars you pick the kissing scene and kiss me and I confess and then you laugh when you reject me?” Oikawa zips his bag closed. 

“What? No... Oikawa!” 

“Did you know? How I felt about you.” Oikawa’s almost in tears, shouting as he pushes his bag over his shoulder. 

“No... I swear- Oikawa... stop!” He chases after Oikawa, down the stairs to the living room, past his mother’s concerned looks. 

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi shouts.  

“No...” Oikawa’s tears are already making their paths down his face and he knows if he tries to say anything more he might break. 

“Just let me go home. Break a leg tomorrow. I’ll try my best not to screw it up too.” Oikawa reaches for the door. 

“Tooru STOP!” When Iwaizumi uses his given name Oikawa does stop, but when no words come afterward Oikawa doesn’t even bother to put his shoes back on. The door slams behind him and he sprints home, the ground rough under his feet pulling at the threads of his socks. 

When he reaches his house his vision is blurred from all the tears burning paths over his cheeks waves washing down to his chin. His heart feels heavier than usual like it’s suddenly made of iron but as fragile as glass, cracking and shattering in his chest, the shards breaking him open and making him bleed. 

“Why won’t it stop... why won’t the pain go away,” Oikawa whispers, he clutches the strap of his bag, his arms trembling under the pressure. 

“Why won’t it stop?!” He shouts at himself, pressing his forehead to the door, hits his head against it. No one’s home, his mother working late, and his father out on business until tomorrow. 

“Oikawa!” Iwaizumi shouts from down the block, jogging up the street. Oikawa’s heart drops and he fumbles to put his key in the lock but his hands shake and his vision is still so blurry.  

Just as the key fits the slot Iwaizumi put his hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. 

“Don’t,” Oikawa says turning and shaking him off. 

“Just don’t okay?I don’t want to hear an apology.” 

“Oikawa.”

“Just go home and let me fall apart on my own okay?” 

“Oikawa!” 

“No... stop saying my name and just leave... okay I get it, you made a mistake you don’t have to apologize or rub it in or say anythi-.” His voice cracks and Iwaizumi starts shouting. 

“Oh my god Oikawa will you just shut the fuck up and listen, you’re being unfair and I’m actually trying to say something important.” 

“What? What could you possibly say, I already know you’re going to reject me so just leave.” Oikawa finds his voice, the high pitched cry still breaking through as he shouts. 

“No!” Iwaizumi shouts back and Oikawa just turns. He can’t make sense of anything anymore. He can’t see past his tears and his knees feel like they’re made of cheap plastic bending and about to break. His heart bleeding out in front of him and he can’t do anything other than cry. 

_ How pathetic. You’re so pathetic. _  The voice rings out in his head and he trembles harder, trying to hold in his screams, the burning in his chest pushing up on his lungs as he tries to keep air moving through him. 

He turns the key and opens the door trying to push it close but Iwaizumi stops it. 

“Oikawa!” 

“Iwa-chan please.” 

“Tooru...” Iwaizumi’s voice breaks, and Oikawa looks up, finally seeing the pain in Iwaizumi’s face the tears that make his green eyes appear like glass shimmering at the corners. 

Oikawa opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a broken cry and he gives in. He gives in and shatters to the floor, finally screaming at full volume, his throat breaking into brittle screams his body trembling; the panic taking over his forced calm. He leans against the door but lets it wobble against him, no support until Iwaizumi steadies it. 

Iwaizumi squeezes through the door and kneels down to Oikawa picking up his falling pieces, collecting his face and looking into his eyes. Oikawa gasps for breath his lungs clutched in his ribcage filled with aching breaths and incomplete cries that force his mouth open make him scream without air.  

“Tooru...” Iwaizumi pulls him into his arms, leaning back on the closed door, Oikawa sobbing and forgetting to try. He forgets to try and hide, forgets to pretend to be okay, and just cries, entirely in pieces and for the first time admitting. 

“I’m not okay...Iwa-chan.” He hiccups. 

“You haven’t been for a while. I know.” He pulls him tighter, the pain in his shaking body like icicles between them. 

“I know.” 

Oikawa’s breathing doesn’t level out until past 10. His cheek pressed to Iwaizumi’s chest, his heartbeat thumping against Oikawa’s ear.  

When his sobs clear into whimpers Iwaizumi takes the moment to explain, to correct all of Oikawa’s words and spill his heart across the floor. It’s been years they’ve been circling, Iwaizumi’s been reaching, and they’ve just kept dancing, both blind to the other’s heart. 

When Oikawa began to cry again Iwaizumi kissed him, held him tight and pressed their lips together until Oikawa’s tears slipped from his cheeks to Iwaizumi’s, and Oikawa kissed him back, he kissed Iwaizumi and this time believed in it, felt its heat as something true and drowned in its pleasure, until he found himself able to breathe.  

Iwaizumi held him when he sobbed, pulling him into his lap in the darkness of Oikawa’s living room and Oikawa curled close unsteady in his own skin but finding ground with the touch of Iwaizumi’s. 

As midnight drew closer Oikawa grew calmer, and eventually pulled away. Iwaizumi followed him to his room, their hearts still shaken from all the secrets spilling from them. 

Oikawa offered him pajamas, and Iwaizumi dressed, crawling into the bed with Oikawa, holding him closer than he used to, because now he knows he can, because they both know, and the silence is filled with the expectation of waking up.  

“I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi whispers as Oikawa crawls back towards him after turning out the lights. 

“Sorry for what?” Oikawa asks. He sits by Iwaizumi’s legs, trying to make out his figure in the dark. 

“For letting you suffer.” Iwaizumi sighs, the pain still lingering in his breath. Oikawa crawls up next to him and wiggles under the blankets, wrapping himself in Iwaizumi’s arms. He feels Iwaizumi’s thumb run over his temple, brushing the hair from his eyes. 

“Then I’m sorry too. For not telling you, how painful it was.” 

Iwaizumi’s hand travels the back of his neck.  

“We’re both idiots.” Iwaizumi says, bowing his head so their foreheads touch, tilting Oikawa’s head back for a kiss, gentle and quick against his lips. 

“I guess... if that’s what being in love is... I-ah-ah-eee-I guess we’re idiots.” He says, his yawn jumbling his words.

“Definitely.” Iwaizumi says. 

The silence after you cry is always something of a relief and even after hours of dry cheeks, both Iwaizumi and Oikawa felt the exhaustion of a lifted burden as they drifted into nothingness their minds invaded by sleep.   

  
  


*    *    *

 

The morning is quiet when Oikawa wakes up, the sun still dusting through the fog trying to push rays through his window. 

Oikawa sits up alone, and at first, nearly lets his heart fall flat thinking it really was all just another fantasy. But then Iwaizumi walks in from the hall, his toothbrush that’s always kept safe for him wedged in his cheek. 

“Morning, time for school, I borrowed a shirt.” Iwaizumi’s words come mumbled with a mix of toothpaste before he walks away. Oikawa is still breathless unable to trust any memory. 

“Iwa-chan?” He calls but Iwaizumi’s already walking in again, scratching the back of his head. 

“Come on Oikawa or we’ll be late for school.” 

But Oikawa just stares, looking at Iwaizumi from the bed. 

Iwaizumi’s eyes meet him and somehow read his thoughts through the threaded pattern of his irises because the next thing Oikawa knows Iwaizumi’s sitting next to him, kissing his cheek the smell of his body soap wafting up off his skin.  

“Yes... it was real.” and Oikawa’s heart lifts to the center of his chest, beating violently with both fear and excitement.  

“Oh,” he murmurs through the flush that’s warming his cheeks. 

“Now come on, we’ll be late for school.” Iwaizumi grabs Oikawa’s hand tugging it until he’s pulling him out of the bed and Oikawa complies, lifting to his feets feeling light on his toes.

 

The school day left with flitted chatter, and light laughter. Oikawa throughout the day tries to keep his heart calm at the brush of Iwaizumi’s hand against his when they walked too close, at the side glances he received from Iwaizumi when he laughed at something Mattsun said, when he smiled and when it felt real. 

The school day fades into the afternoon and soon the theater was bustling with the chaos of last minute preparations. The backdrop was in place but unable to change and the tech crew was running about the stage trying to solve it. Iwaizumi was still practicing that line he couldn’t quite pronounce right and Oikawa was working on his death scene, trying to learn how to fall without hurting his knees. 

“Iwaizumi, Yahaba, scene 13 on set take it through,” Yachi shouts to them as they pull their attention off their scripts, the other actors clearing to the backstage still mumbling their own lines. 

Oikawa stands next to the curtain and watches for the first time since the first rehearsal as Iwaizumi and Yahaba circle each other and paint their words for the soon to be audience until Iwaizumi moves forward, Oikawa clutches the red curtain, and Yahaba’s lips meet Iwaizumi’s. The kiss is more gentle than the first time he saw it but less fluid than the kiss he and Iwaizumi shared last night. You can see Iwaizumi’s discomfort in the touch and relief when it’s over. 

“Better, okay, Oikawa, let's try your death scene and then it’s 20 min to open curtain.” Yachi’s face is stern, focused on the tasks needing attention. 

As Oikawa walks on stage he passes Iwaizumi and catches his eye, the butterflies coming alive in his stomach as he sees the apologetic look. Oikawa smiles, a genuine smile because he hadn’t enjoyed watching Iwaizumi kiss someone else, he hated it; but he hadn’t felt betrayed or angry; he didn’t feel pained; he felt special. If that at all made sense. 

There was no audience when he faced Yachi when he faced his character’s killer, but again finally he felt excited on the stage.

The curtain rose just after sunset that evening and fell close to midnight with the applause of the audience and the racing hearts of the actors. 

“Great job Iwaizumi!” the others chorused as they passed, patting him on his back as he collected his bag beyond the stage. 

The LGBT club raised over 70,000 yen that night and the drama club received a 30% cut, funding for new costumes, the fundraiser creating an overflow of ideas for more, as Yachi and other club directors began brainstorming as soon as they finish counting the money. 

“You were great, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa parroted and pulled Iwaizumi’s attention to himself. 

He glances up from his bag with a smile but stops at the sight of Oikawa. His teeth bared white and his eyes crinkled at the corners. 

“I’ve missed that smile.” He hooks a finger through Oikawa’s belt loop and pulls him closer, wrapping his hands around Oikawa’s waist pressing their hips together. 

“Iwa-chan!” But Oikawa doesn’t resist, slides perfectly between Iwaizumi’s arms and rests his palms on his chest, feeling completely at ease. 

“We’re not alone.” Oikawa whispers and Iwaizumi shakes his head. 

“Fuck that, I need you. I’ve needed you for so long” his voice is breathless but he doesn’t filter his comments. He presses forward on Oikawa’s lips, fitting a kiss between them just before Yachi announces herself with a cough.

“Well, no wonder you were so stiff kissing Yahaba.” She slides her hand down the curtain as she leaves its side. Oikawa buries his face in Iwaizumi’s shoulder trying to hide his blush from the small blonde. 

“I didn’t know you were spoken for. I’ll take that into consideration at the next casting.”

“Oh, I won’t be auditioning again.” Iwaizumi shakes his head and Yachi’s smile falls. 

“Oh, well, that's a bummer, and you’re so good at it too.” She says looking at her clipboard before walking past them.  

“Take care Iwaizumi.” She bows slightly before leaving but turns at the last moment. 

“Oh and Oikawa?” 

Oikawa lifts his head to face Yachi. 

“Good job tonight. You seemed to have a new spark.” She smiles looking them both up and down, and Oikawa finally steps back from Iwaizumi’s arms, his blush taking over his neck and ears, the heat overwhelming. 

When she leaves Iwaizumi steps closer again, the stage empty now of its actors and stagehands, only the two lovers and their racing hearts left in the spotlight. They gather their things in the silence, meeting at the exit, looking back on the stage.  

“Good show, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa laces their fingers together, reaching for the lights. 

“Good show, Tooru,” he says it gently and as the lights flicker off and the darkness consumes the theater, Iwaizumi’s lips meet Oikawa’s cheek and their hearts both skip a beat. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!!! Don't forget to COMMENT and leave KUDOS!!!! 
> 
> I really do enjoy reading everyone's comments and replying to them!!!
> 
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